I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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