i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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