i wish starbucks made bloody marys
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
