Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
