i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
