I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
