writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize