so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
