Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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