I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
