It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
