Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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