i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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