I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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