dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
