he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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