Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
