I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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