What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
