Dude my mom stole all your condoms
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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