I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
