My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
