im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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