Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
