girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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