Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
