If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
