Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
