She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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