Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
