Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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