ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
