We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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