dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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