I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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