dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
