Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
