he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My ass is underappreciated
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
