I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
