The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
