thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
