I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
