Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
