Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
