You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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