so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
