Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
