Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
