lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it glows. i had to have it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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