i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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