Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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