the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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