At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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