Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
